Frequently Asked Questions

Moralistic definitions of relationships can be approached in myriad ways.

Firstly, we can gauge whether all individuals involved believe it is moral: the democratic approach. Based on this, we believe a triad is moral inasmuch as any relationship based on supporting and believing in your loved ones, and giving 110% to your combined success, can be. It brings us happiness, and it hurts no one.

There is the definition based on religion. The Bible was written in a time when relationships and society were not as they are today. To "go forth and multiply" was the societal demand upon women: if a woman was sexually assaulted and sought justice, her tongue would be cut out to save her father's dignity. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 is a helpful verse, not just because it states that "a cord with three strands is not easily broken", but because it urges community and interpersonal relationships as a way to uplift oneself.

It is commonly said that "marriage is between one man and one woman", but we disagree with that statement on multiple levels. 1 Corinthians 7, for example, makes a strong argument often used for why one man and one woman would be married: equity in giving oneself to the other, and it is assumed that relationships beyond two individuals are inherently unfair to, e.g. the women, involved in a polygamous relationship. But if being LGBTQ is allowable, which we believe is true, then one man and one woman and one woman, for example, can equitably give all of themselves to each other.

Society has a very strong focus on single-mindedness in purpose. Have one job. Get married once. Follow one religion. Pick one partner. But how many of these axioms are antiquated today? It's okay to have more than one job. Divorce has become widely accepted by major religions. There is nothing wrong with following more than one standard faith, or no faith at all. If society can accept the previous changes to its ironclad rules, why is it that we can only become pairs?

For reference:

• This triad spans the range from devout to atheist

• Recommended reading on the topic via LiveScience

No! We wouldn't advocate monogamous relationship, polygamous relationships, or any relationships, to everyone. Everyone has different wants and needs, and has different means of meeting them. Sometimes this means being in a triad. Sometimes this means owning 21 cats. Sometimes this means never seeking a committed relationship but still pursuing physical connections. As long as you believe you are living within your moral boundaries and not causing harm to yourself or others, we advocate living your life as you see fit.

No. We are exclusively committed to our triad. We call ourselves "multi-monogamous". "Poly-fidelity" is another fitting term, but we do not identify with any particular "poly" group, community, or relationship system.

Other couples and triads may find that this is not what they are looking for. However, we want to make sure that couples or prospective triads testing the waters understand that they do not have to be polygamous to be in a triad.

We're a triad. Alternatively a throuple, although we prefer triad due to the connotation of strength standing together, and because throuple is a corny portmanteau that highlights how it's "abnormal" as a permutation of a regular couple. We're not "a threesome".

This is explicitly, verbatim, a question we have been posed multiple times.

Through our entire relationship, we have continuously consented and sought consent from each other for any decisions we have made in our relationship. We communicate about how we feel, we are transparent about our feelings, wants, and needs, and we discussed in detail what the dynamics of our relationship would look like prior to being together.

By definition, this is not adultery.

Every group in the history of human civilization has had to tackle this idea. It is not just about a romantic relationship between more than two individuals. Members of any social construct will face jealousy, loneliness, and unmet wants and needs. It is natural to have these conflicts: humans cannot read minds or predict the future. They can only learn from the lessons they've been taught; growing from their experiences and mitigating those ills before they happen next time.

Rather than avoiding contact with others altogether, humans used communication to assuage these concerns. This is how a triad works, like any other relationship: we communicate.

How can anyone be sure they won't be left behind by a trusted friend? By their child? By their parent? By their one partner?

A common estimate is that 40% to 50% of marriages will lead to divorce. The traceability of divorce is complicated, but all we know is that three people can share more common ground than two might, and offer more support than two people could each other.

There are intrinsic benefits to any relationship. Marriage has financial, health, immigration benefits, etc. It can be used, and historically has been used, to force women's subservience to their husbands. Today, one can still find themselves in an abusive situation if they have found the wrong partner. Anyone can be taken advantage of, but in the end we can only avoid that scenario by holding ourselves and our partners accountable to their actions and to their commitments.

To directly answer the question: three people can more easily hold each other accountable than two people might each other. We also benefit from well-developed rhetorical and communication tools which anyone can learn. We trust in each other, and trust ourselves. This is important for any relationship, not only for triads.

If you believe that you might be being taken advantage of or are concerned about asymmetry in your relationship, please seek out resources for reference on what an unhealthy relationship might look like.

We manage chores differently with our extra manpower. We have a King-sized bed, because it offers more space. The sheets are more expensive than we used to have previously, but the financial burden is spread out a little more, so it works. We also have more varied bedroom decorations with more stakeholders in the decision-making process. It's really nice!

One person sleeps in the middle, because there's three of us, so two of us get an edge seat. It's kind of like in a plane when one person gets a window seat, one gets an aisle seat, and one gets to be stuck in the middle. Luckily, we self-select for who gets squished by whom, and rotate as desired.

By definition, a triad is something of a multi-monogamous relationship. Think of it like this: two points with a line between them share a line segment, or a "line relationship". Three points define a triangle between them, with corresponding line segments between all three points, or three "line relationships". There's no extra relationships beyond what the three pairs that make up the triad share.

Our love life is no different than any other couple's. For visual aids on the mechanics, though, we'll have to point you to the wider internet.